Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
