not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
