its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
