So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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