..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
