next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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