i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
