Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
