i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
