i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
