So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
