i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
