youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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