I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
