Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
