halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
