Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
