The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
