we have officially lost it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
