someone get that fucking seahorse.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
