If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
