She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
