I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
