I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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