you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
