my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
