we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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