it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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