"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
