Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
