You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
