so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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