went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
