I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
