break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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