Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
