We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
