too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
