I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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