then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
