What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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