opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
