no. you can't hotbox the world.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
