I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
