she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
