when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
