you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
