Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
