so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
