Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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