Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
