i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
