70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
