totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
