i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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