At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
